The Great Plan
ACT I
Scene 1
SETTING: A police station. There is an officer’s desk with two chairs near it, one for the officer the other for a non-officer to sit in while talking to the officer, lies near center stage. Slightly stage right is a holding cell. If a holding cell is too much to produce a lone chair where a suspect can sit handcuffed will do.
AT RISE: The Police Station is empty. We hear shouting off stage. Enter TODD in the custody of OFFICER SARAH HART, while CARLA enters behind them yelling and carrying on.
CARLA
He and his type are a blight on our city! What did he think I was some defenseless woman? Let me tell you, buddy, women aren’t victims anymore!
HART
Ma’am calm down. Have a seat at my desk.
(She places TODD in the holding cell)
CARLA
Ma’am? I’m like 25.
TODD
I just was going to steal your bag you didn’t have to pummel me?
CARLA
Sure.
HART
(To TODD)
Quiet you.
TODD
I still got my freedom of speech.
HART
First Amendment doesn’t provide for harassment.
TODD
She beat me up. How is representing myself as weak and pathetic harassing?
HART
You attacked her.
TODD
I allegedly attacked her. I have yet to be convicted by a jury of my peers. Plus she started it.
CARLA
Did not.
TODD
Did to.
CARLA
No.
TODD
Yes.
HART
(To Carla)
Don’t antagonize him.
TODD
Yeaaaah. You called me a blight.
CARLA
You attacked me.
TODD
Allegedly. Allegedly, man. Come on!
HART
Enough!
(HART sit at her desk)
Name.
CARLA
Carla.
HART
Full name.
CARLA
In front of him?
HART
Fine. We’ll do that later. Date of Birth?
TODD
Are you kidding? Why don’t you ask for her social security number in front of me? Jesus!
HART
Shhh!
(Ignoring TODD)
Just give me the events as you remember them.
CARLA
OK, well, I was walking to Bishoffs.
HART
Bishoffs?
CARLA
Yes, it’s an amazing dessert place. You’ve never been?
HART
Umm. No.
CARLA
Well, you definitely need to check it out. It’s right on Stanton Street. So amazing. Really. Anyway that’s where I was headed. That’s why I was in that neighborhood, if the press suggests something else they’re wrong. I was going for a hot chocolate and fruit custard tart. That’s why I was down there. I’m allowed to be down there.
HART
Why wouldn’t you be allowed down there?
CARLA
Exactly.
HART
OK. You were on your way to this Bishops…
CARLA
Bishoffs, not Bishops. There I was fantasizing about tarts and liquid chocolate, nothing else. I thought maybe I’d get diabetes but I said to myself it’s worth it.
TODD
It takes more than one evening of dessert to develop diabetes. It takes years of eating a high fat, high sugar diet.
HART
Don’t make me tell you again to pipe down.
CARLA
I have ice cream like every night though.
HART
You were on you going for dessert.
CARLA
Yeah, walking by Jef--And then all of sudden this punk comes out of a doorway and waves a knife in my face, saying, “Eat it bitch.”
HART
Eat what?
CARLA
(She gets excited about the
fighting part of the story
and she re-enacts the fight)
The knife I guess. I don’t know. So then I did this move knocking the knife out of his hand followed by an arm-bar. I took him down to the ground, BAM! Kick to the head then kick to rib. Then I ran, luckily you were just a block away.
HART
We recommend that people don’t struggle with their assailants. People fair better when complying.
CARLA
I don’t think I have the physical capability of eating a knife. Can you believe it was only 8pm? What is the city coming to? The evening news is going to have a field day.
TODD
They’re always trying to scare the public to stay home watch more TV.
HART
The press?
CARLA
You know how they get, reporting sensational crimes like this.
HART
It’s hardly sensational.
CARLA
I’m a petite young woman. He’s a big bad attacker. He’s like twice my size. I fended him off; I proved that the little guy is not going to take it anymore from his element. And it was the early evening, on the way to dessert.
HART
It was just a mugging.
CARLA
A mugging? He was going to murder me.
HART
I doubt that.
CARLA
Were you there? He had a knife.
HART
It’s not as if he had a gun.
CARLA
More like I didn’t have a gun and I took him out with just my hands. This big scary guy, It’s totally David and Goliath and Fem power. There’s tons of angles.
TODD
Have versus the have nots.
HART
There’s no press here. So you took him out then what happened.
CARLA
Uhh. I don’t want to do this anymore. I’m not pressing charges.
HART
Listen we’re almost done here, you can do it.
CARLA
I just want to go home.
HART
Two seconds ago you were committed to seeing this perp pay.
TODD
She was in shock.
CARLA
(to TODD)
If it’s not on the news he won’t have reason to call.
TODD
Man, I told you we should have gotten my brothers.
CARLA
But no one would have believed I took out all four of you.
TODD
No, I thought this would work too, cuz.
HART
You two know each other?
CARLA
You’re a woman, sort of. Let’s say you were dating this guy. Then the guy didn’t want to date you anymore, so then you stopped dating. But you thought about him every day for like a year and you wanted to date him again. How would you get him back?
HART
Perhaps I’d pick up the telephone and express my feelings.
TODD
You wouldn’t enact the thwarting of a sensational crime so that your face is all over the city making your heroic vulnerable face unavoidable? ‘Cause that would get me to call. At least to ask how you’re doing.
HART
No.
CARLA
Oh.
(Blackout)
END SCENE
END ACT
END PLAY
Scene 1
SETTING: A police station. There is an officer’s desk with two chairs near it, one for the officer the other for a non-officer to sit in while talking to the officer, lies near center stage. Slightly stage right is a holding cell. If a holding cell is too much to produce a lone chair where a suspect can sit handcuffed will do.
AT RISE: The Police Station is empty. We hear shouting off stage. Enter TODD in the custody of OFFICER SARAH HART, while CARLA enters behind them yelling and carrying on.
CARLA
He and his type are a blight on our city! What did he think I was some defenseless woman? Let me tell you, buddy, women aren’t victims anymore!
HART
Ma’am calm down. Have a seat at my desk.
(She places TODD in the holding cell)
CARLA
Ma’am? I’m like 25.
TODD
I just was going to steal your bag you didn’t have to pummel me?
CARLA
Sure.
HART
(To TODD)
Quiet you.
TODD
I still got my freedom of speech.
HART
First Amendment doesn’t provide for harassment.
TODD
She beat me up. How is representing myself as weak and pathetic harassing?
HART
You attacked her.
TODD
I allegedly attacked her. I have yet to be convicted by a jury of my peers. Plus she started it.
CARLA
Did not.
TODD
Did to.
CARLA
No.
TODD
Yes.
HART
(To Carla)
Don’t antagonize him.
TODD
Yeaaaah. You called me a blight.
CARLA
You attacked me.
TODD
Allegedly. Allegedly, man. Come on!
HART
Enough!
(HART sit at her desk)
Name.
CARLA
Carla.
HART
Full name.
CARLA
In front of him?
HART
Fine. We’ll do that later. Date of Birth?
TODD
Are you kidding? Why don’t you ask for her social security number in front of me? Jesus!
HART
Shhh!
(Ignoring TODD)
Just give me the events as you remember them.
CARLA
OK, well, I was walking to Bishoffs.
HART
Bishoffs?
CARLA
Yes, it’s an amazing dessert place. You’ve never been?
HART
Umm. No.
CARLA
Well, you definitely need to check it out. It’s right on Stanton Street. So amazing. Really. Anyway that’s where I was headed. That’s why I was in that neighborhood, if the press suggests something else they’re wrong. I was going for a hot chocolate and fruit custard tart. That’s why I was down there. I’m allowed to be down there.
HART
Why wouldn’t you be allowed down there?
CARLA
Exactly.
HART
OK. You were on your way to this Bishops…
CARLA
Bishoffs, not Bishops. There I was fantasizing about tarts and liquid chocolate, nothing else. I thought maybe I’d get diabetes but I said to myself it’s worth it.
TODD
It takes more than one evening of dessert to develop diabetes. It takes years of eating a high fat, high sugar diet.
HART
Don’t make me tell you again to pipe down.
CARLA
I have ice cream like every night though.
HART
You were on you going for dessert.
CARLA
Yeah, walking by Jef--And then all of sudden this punk comes out of a doorway and waves a knife in my face, saying, “Eat it bitch.”
HART
Eat what?
CARLA
(She gets excited about the
fighting part of the story
and she re-enacts the fight)
The knife I guess. I don’t know. So then I did this move knocking the knife out of his hand followed by an arm-bar. I took him down to the ground, BAM! Kick to the head then kick to rib. Then I ran, luckily you were just a block away.
HART
We recommend that people don’t struggle with their assailants. People fair better when complying.
CARLA
I don’t think I have the physical capability of eating a knife. Can you believe it was only 8pm? What is the city coming to? The evening news is going to have a field day.
TODD
They’re always trying to scare the public to stay home watch more TV.
HART
The press?
CARLA
You know how they get, reporting sensational crimes like this.
HART
It’s hardly sensational.
CARLA
I’m a petite young woman. He’s a big bad attacker. He’s like twice my size. I fended him off; I proved that the little guy is not going to take it anymore from his element. And it was the early evening, on the way to dessert.
HART
It was just a mugging.
CARLA
A mugging? He was going to murder me.
HART
I doubt that.
CARLA
Were you there? He had a knife.
HART
It’s not as if he had a gun.
CARLA
More like I didn’t have a gun and I took him out with just my hands. This big scary guy, It’s totally David and Goliath and Fem power. There’s tons of angles.
TODD
Have versus the have nots.
HART
There’s no press here. So you took him out then what happened.
CARLA
Uhh. I don’t want to do this anymore. I’m not pressing charges.
HART
Listen we’re almost done here, you can do it.
CARLA
I just want to go home.
HART
Two seconds ago you were committed to seeing this perp pay.
TODD
She was in shock.
CARLA
(to TODD)
If it’s not on the news he won’t have reason to call.
TODD
Man, I told you we should have gotten my brothers.
CARLA
But no one would have believed I took out all four of you.
TODD
No, I thought this would work too, cuz.
HART
You two know each other?
CARLA
You’re a woman, sort of. Let’s say you were dating this guy. Then the guy didn’t want to date you anymore, so then you stopped dating. But you thought about him every day for like a year and you wanted to date him again. How would you get him back?
HART
Perhaps I’d pick up the telephone and express my feelings.
TODD
You wouldn’t enact the thwarting of a sensational crime so that your face is all over the city making your heroic vulnerable face unavoidable? ‘Cause that would get me to call. At least to ask how you’re doing.
HART
No.
CARLA
Oh.
(Blackout)
END SCENE
END ACT
END PLAY
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